The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood (OLGS)

During my world travels, it has come to my attention, that our world, does not have a good workable set of guidelines that determine what is a sport and what is not. It is my hope that each of you will be able to better understand the sports world in a more rich and easily graspable way after having read this. These rules are a result of extensive deliberation and collaboration with Douglas Rueff (Parkville, MO), Donald Douds (Beaver, PA), and Matthew C. Binko (Miami, FL). It is important to note that the bulk of the math and flow charting was done by Doug Rueff. He broke this thing down Barney style. Mad props to him.

There are 4 determining factors for determining weather or not a given activity can be considered a sport. They are exact. They are final. They are known as "The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood" or "The OLGS" (Pronounced OLGS).

To be a sport, an activity must:
1: Have an objective standard to determine the outcome - EG: A basketball must go through a hoop to get points. In an activity such as Gymnastics, contestants are scored on style and performance. Since the scoring is subjected to the judges opinion, it is ruled, NOT a sport. (Cheer leading, Ice Dancing, and Marching Bands all fall into this demographic)

2: Prove athletic prowess over another human being - EG: Your athletic skill must be greater than that off your opponent to win. We determine whether or not this is happening by this criteria - If an increase in physical fitness most always results in an increase in your ability to win the event. So, if Joe Loses 30 pounds, will he have a greater capacity to be good at the event? This law rules out events like Darts, Bowling, Bass fishing, Hunting, Curling, and Horseshoes. These events all take skill, but one could increase physical fitness without experiencing an increase in their ability to be good at these events. Therefore, they are NOT sports. (Golf may fit in this category, but it is a pretty close call.)

3: Have a widely accepted set of rules - EG: These rules must be adhered to to determine sport hood. Now, this law does not imply that the laws must be followed to the letter, but rather the spirit of the law must be followed. For example, the basic rule of Soccer is that the ball must go across the line and into the goal. to score a point. The size of the field, offsides, and proper throw-ins are important, but not at the heart of the sport. Therefore, playing HORSE with a basketball and hoop can not be a sport since it doesn't follow the spirit of the game. The spirit being, ball through the hoop means points. It changes the para-dime and is no longer a sport. This rule destroys Paintball and other ad hoc events. These are NOT sports.

4: Not require the use of electricity - EG: Any event that requires the use of electricity to perform the event, is not a sport. Now, a sport may USE electricity, but must not require it. For example, Fencing is aided by the use of electronic sensors and basketball often uses light up score boards, but each of these are able to function without them. NASCAR requires the use of electricity to start the cars and is therefore NOT a sport. This law also rules out competitive DDR and Guitar Hero (As do several other rules).

I will now provide a list of Sports and NON sports. This list is in NO WAY all conclusive. You must apply the OLGS to determine Sport-hood.

Sports:
Basketball
Baseball
Football
Soccer
Hockey
Water Polo
The 100 Meter Dash
Capture the Flag (Shocking but true)

NOT Sports:
Cheer Leading
Ice Dancing
Bowling
NASCAR
Darts
Curling (Although it is AWESOME!)
Competitive DDR
Marching Bands
Bass Fishing
Hunting

5 Laws of Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness

It has come to my attention that there are people wandering around out there that are unable to cope with a lack of sleep. For those insomniacs and narcoleps out there, these Laws do not apply to you. You have your own set of rules.

5 Laws of Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness

1: Law of Compact Awesomeness - Less is more in this Law. Those of us that are of a compact stature (EG: Short and stocky) are able to compress more awesome into a smaller frame. If you are tall, lanky, thin, or huge, you may be out of luck. You must be able to compress a lot of awesomeness into a small space to achieve maximum Sleep Deprivation (Also known as "Epic Night Syndrome)

2: Prioritization Law of 1986 - This Law states simply, "Your love of Awesomeness must be greater than your love for unconsciousness." By adhering to this law, you will place events of the epic nature higher than sleep on your list of what is important to you.

3:  The Coffee Non marginalization Standard -  If you do not love coffee, you are, by default, not awesome. Coffee is Ethiopia's gift to the world. Coffee is how we know God loves us. Coffee can cure cancer (I'm not 100% on this last one.) You must be awesome to live a sleep deprived life and Coffee is therefore a must. Oh, and medically speaking, it has a crap ton of Caffeine and that seems to help as well.

4: The 12AM Paradox - My mother once told me that nothing good happens after 12am. But to be fair, of all the funnest things I do, very few of them could be catorgorized as "Good Ideas". Ergo, since staying up late yields a more positive environment for fun ideas, the margin for awesomeness goes up drastically. Since most of the world works during the day, we must also be up before 12am. Therefore, leaving little time for sleep.

5: The Erickson Effect -This law states that people related to, friends with, fans of, or members of the Erickson Family have a 97% success rate when trying to achieve maximum Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness. Now, this Law does not exclude people outside this group, but it does lend creedance to the fact that your chances for success skyrocket if you are a member of the "People related to, Friends with, fans of, or members of the Erickson Family" group.

11 Observations, Tidbits, and Truisms About Life

I finally made it back to Djibouti. Yes. I live in Djibouti, ha ha (Stated drolly and sarcastically). When I arrived once more, I suddenly realized a very poignant truth. Djibouti is hot. The end.

Ok, for realz, I have had several things happen in the last month that are worth pointing out. Mostly observations on life, but a few tidbits, and one Truism.

1: Raw meat, no matter how culturally founded, is still horrible.
2: 350LB Pigs, do not like being cooked for dinner.
3: (Observation) Reese's is the greatest brand of candy in the world. They make nothing that is not good.
4: (Truism) Coffee is delicious.
5: If you play soccer for 2 hours on a very solid surface, your feet have the consistency of ground up beef.
6: Feet that have the consistency of ground beef are painful.
7: (Observation) Being away from the woman you love for a year is not fun.
8: This table is making the creation of this list much easier by providing me a stable platform.
9: After listening to African/Arabic music for the last year, I can honestly tell you, the best music in the world is created in the USA.
10: ?
11: Making $ is easy. Press shift+4




I have lots more to say, but I'll wait till I publish another list.


I told the following people that I was "Totally putting that in my blog!"


MSG Steven Jackson - Enjoys photographing people jumping through fire.
SGT Julie Vosilus - Can Dance with Ethiopian woman without even knowing the moves.
COL Nameunknown Hayes -  Gave me the 5 rules of an Effective Deployment
SPC David Lane -  I can't really publish his misdeeds at this time.
Mr. Gregory "Danger" Gorham - Still believes that it is ok to be a Cubs fan. Sad.