Ok, so in my post about future postings, I stated that I would give you the #The2LawsofClassicRemakes (I'm hopping this soon starts "Trending" on twitter). This Law stems from the recent remake of "True Grit". This movie should never have been remade. It violates the #The2LawsofClassicRemakes.
It did ok at the box office in comparison to the other movies, but come on! A YouTube Video of me dancing in a clover field would have beaten out that list. It took first over "Little Fockers" "Season of the Which" "Yogi Bear" and "Tangled". Really!?
Ok, so the 2 Laws are very simple:
#The2LawsofClassicRemakes
1. Never remake a movie that stared John Wayne as a cowboy or a soldier. It can not possibly get any better than it already is right now. You are just going to ruin it for everyone.
2. Never remake a movie that stared Clint Eastwood as a cowboy or a soldier. It cannot possibly get any better than it already is right now. You are just going to ruin it for everyone.
That is pretty much it. Follow those rules, and you're good. Face the facts people, if we try and remake "Kelley's Heroes" who is going to play Kelly!? Not Josh Brolin that is certain. And what if we attempt to remake "The Sons of Kattie Elder"!? That just hurts my heart to think about. Not cool. Follow the Laws. They are iron clad.
Showing posts with label Laws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laws. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood (OLGS)
During my world travels, it has come to my attention, that our world, does not have a good workable set of guidelines that determine what is a sport and what is not. It is my hope that each of you will be able to better understand the sports world in a more rich and easily graspable way after having read this. These rules are a result of extensive deliberation and collaboration with Douglas Rueff (Parkville, MO), Donald Douds (Beaver, PA), and Matthew C. Binko (Miami, FL). It is important to note that the bulk of the math and flow charting was done by Doug Rueff. He broke this thing down Barney style. Mad props to him.
There are 4 determining factors for determining weather or not a given activity can be considered a sport. They are exact. They are final. They are known as "The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood" or "The OLGS" (Pronounced OLGS).
To be a sport, an activity must:
1: Have an objective standard to determine the outcome - EG: A basketball must go through a hoop to get points. In an activity such as Gymnastics, contestants are scored on style and performance. Since the scoring is subjected to the judges opinion, it is ruled, NOT a sport. (Cheer leading, Ice Dancing, and Marching Bands all fall into this demographic)
2: Prove athletic prowess over another human being - EG: Your athletic skill must be greater than that off your opponent to win. We determine whether or not this is happening by this criteria - If an increase in physical fitness most always results in an increase in your ability to win the event. So, if Joe Loses 30 pounds, will he have a greater capacity to be good at the event? This law rules out events like Darts, Bowling, Bass fishing, Hunting, Curling, and Horseshoes. These events all take skill, but one could increase physical fitness without experiencing an increase in their ability to be good at these events. Therefore, they are NOT sports. (Golf may fit in this category, but it is a pretty close call.)
3: Have a widely accepted set of rules - EG: These rules must be adhered to to determine sport hood. Now, this law does not imply that the laws must be followed to the letter, but rather the spirit of the law must be followed. For example, the basic rule of Soccer is that the ball must go across the line and into the goal. to score a point. The size of the field, offsides, and proper throw-ins are important, but not at the heart of the sport. Therefore, playing HORSE with a basketball and hoop can not be a sport since it doesn't follow the spirit of the game. The spirit being, ball through the hoop means points. It changes the para-dime and is no longer a sport. This rule destroys Paintball and other ad hoc events. These are NOT sports.
4: Not require the use of electricity - EG: Any event that requires the use of electricity to perform the event, is not a sport. Now, a sport may USE electricity, but must not require it. For example, Fencing is aided by the use of electronic sensors and basketball often uses light up score boards, but each of these are able to function without them. NASCAR requires the use of electricity to start the cars and is therefore NOT a sport. This law also rules out competitive DDR and Guitar Hero (As do several other rules).
I will now provide a list of Sports and NON sports. This list is in NO WAY all conclusive. You must apply the OLGS to determine Sport-hood.
Sports:
Basketball
Baseball
Football
Soccer
Hockey
Water Polo
The 100 Meter Dash
Capture the Flag (Shocking but true)
NOT Sports:
Cheer Leading
Ice Dancing
Bowling
NASCAR
Darts
Curling (Although it is AWESOME!)
Competitive DDR
Marching Bands
Bass Fishing
Hunting
There are 4 determining factors for determining weather or not a given activity can be considered a sport. They are exact. They are final. They are known as "The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood" or "The OLGS" (Pronounced OLGS).
To be a sport, an activity must:
1: Have an objective standard to determine the outcome - EG: A basketball must go through a hoop to get points. In an activity such as Gymnastics, contestants are scored on style and performance. Since the scoring is subjected to the judges opinion, it is ruled, NOT a sport. (Cheer leading, Ice Dancing, and Marching Bands all fall into this demographic)
2: Prove athletic prowess over another human being - EG: Your athletic skill must be greater than that off your opponent to win. We determine whether or not this is happening by this criteria - If an increase in physical fitness most always results in an increase in your ability to win the event. So, if Joe Loses 30 pounds, will he have a greater capacity to be good at the event? This law rules out events like Darts, Bowling, Bass fishing, Hunting, Curling, and Horseshoes. These events all take skill, but one could increase physical fitness without experiencing an increase in their ability to be good at these events. Therefore, they are NOT sports. (Golf may fit in this category, but it is a pretty close call.)
3: Have a widely accepted set of rules - EG: These rules must be adhered to to determine sport hood. Now, this law does not imply that the laws must be followed to the letter, but rather the spirit of the law must be followed. For example, the basic rule of Soccer is that the ball must go across the line and into the goal. to score a point. The size of the field, offsides, and proper throw-ins are important, but not at the heart of the sport. Therefore, playing HORSE with a basketball and hoop can not be a sport since it doesn't follow the spirit of the game. The spirit being, ball through the hoop means points. It changes the para-dime and is no longer a sport. This rule destroys Paintball and other ad hoc events. These are NOT sports.
4: Not require the use of electricity - EG: Any event that requires the use of electricity to perform the event, is not a sport. Now, a sport may USE electricity, but must not require it. For example, Fencing is aided by the use of electronic sensors and basketball often uses light up score boards, but each of these are able to function without them. NASCAR requires the use of electricity to start the cars and is therefore NOT a sport. This law also rules out competitive DDR and Guitar Hero (As do several other rules).
I will now provide a list of Sports and NON sports. This list is in NO WAY all conclusive. You must apply the OLGS to determine Sport-hood.
Sports:
Basketball
Baseball
Football
Soccer
Hockey
Water Polo
The 100 Meter Dash
Capture the Flag (Shocking but true)
NOT Sports:
Cheer Leading
Ice Dancing
Bowling
NASCAR
Darts
Curling (Although it is AWESOME!)
Competitive DDR
Marching Bands
Bass Fishing
Hunting
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