Ok, so in my post about future postings, I stated that I would give you the #The2LawsofClassicRemakes (I'm hopping this soon starts "Trending" on twitter). This Law stems from the recent remake of "True Grit". This movie should never have been remade. It violates the #The2LawsofClassicRemakes.
It did ok at the box office in comparison to the other movies, but come on! A YouTube Video of me dancing in a clover field would have beaten out that list. It took first over "Little Fockers" "Season of the Which" "Yogi Bear" and "Tangled". Really!?
Ok, so the 2 Laws are very simple:
#The2LawsofClassicRemakes
1. Never remake a movie that stared John Wayne as a cowboy or a soldier. It can not possibly get any better than it already is right now. You are just going to ruin it for everyone.
2. Never remake a movie that stared Clint Eastwood as a cowboy or a soldier. It cannot possibly get any better than it already is right now. You are just going to ruin it for everyone.
That is pretty much it. Follow those rules, and you're good. Face the facts people, if we try and remake "Kelley's Heroes" who is going to play Kelly!? Not Josh Brolin that is certain. And what if we attempt to remake "The Sons of Kattie Elder"!? That just hurts my heart to think about. Not cool. Follow the Laws. They are iron clad.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Troy Polamalu's Hair
Ok, so his hair is awesome. True story. This man can teach other dudes a few things about style and fashion. While I personally am not a fan of the longer hair on dudes (Excluding facial hair which is manly and gets the ladies) Troy OWNS his. He has not had is hair cut since 2000 when he played for USC, or other reports indicate he may have had it trimmed in 2002, but either way, his streak is impressive. This is a man who has a 1Million dollar deal with Proctor and Gamble to help them sell their line of shampoo. In response to how effective his adds have been, P & G have taken out an insurance policy on his HAIR!
Men, the lesson to be learned here is simple. "Whatever you do, do it well." If we want to go old school KJV (King James Version of the Bible) we could throw down with a, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might!" Troy's hair is slightly hideous, but he took it and branded himself with it. His HAIR is now making more money than most of you are making! YIKES!
So, weather you cook, surf, carve apples into the figures of pop culture icons, or go to the gym, do it. Don't do it just a little, do it as hard, as good, as awesomely as you can.
Troy P. once stated that he feels like his hair is a fifth appendage. Think of how awesome our lives could be if we flow this principle into our lives? Do what you do as good as you can do it.
Also, Velociraptor Awareness day is on April 17th.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sometimes, Cake is Worship.
My sister (Jini, she is awesome and if you have never met her, you should) told me about some cake she had recently at a Church Lunch. She said it was divine and tasted like heaven in her mouth. Not being satisfied with simply consuming one portion of cake, she decided to trace the cake back to it's source. At the end of her quest was a lady that had baked the cake. Jini explained to the lady how grateful she was that she had used her God-given talent for baking, to serve in the Church. Oddly, that lady was worshiping God with her baking.
What a crazy cool way to worship your creator right?! We were created with certain talents and all God asks for is that we use them to give back. Worship is simply paying homage to God. We can do this by giving him our best efforts with the talents he has given us and laying those at his feet. What a beautiful way to worship.
I think that I have been guilty in the past of thinking of worship as the song service on Sunday morning. That was wrong. This way of thinking is flawed because true worship is to pay homage (Homage: something done or given in acknowledgment or consideration of the worth of another. In this case it is given to our God.) to our creator.
I have come to realize that the truest forms of worship may not even be experience in a Sunday Worship Experience. Think about this, when a band prepares for the Worship service, they are giving God not just their talent, but also their time, their energy and their passion. This means that they have been worshiping while preparing to lead worship! The guy that sets up the sound and mixes it? He was worshiping before the service by giving his knowledge and best efforts to the sound setup. The same can be said for the Pastor preparing for the service, the door greeter that wears his best smile, the guy that cleans the building, the set up crew worships with their ability to move large objects quickly. I can go on and on, but the basic point is this. Worship has nothing to do with music. It has everything to do with taking your talents and abilities that God has given you or given you a passion for and giving those back to God. That is worship.
I have heard much cacophony (loud useless noise) about the distinction between worship leaders that give every ounce of talent they have to the worship experience, and those that put on a show. It seems to me that if we are worshiping correctly by giving every bit of talent we have back to God and we all pour it out simultaneously on a given stage on a particular Sunday morning, it had better look like a show! How can we give a half-hearted recreation of another mans work and look up at God and act like he should be happy with that!? If we give everything we have back, I assure you, God has given us enough collective talent to put on a pretty awesome show.
So, the lady that bakes the cake? She makes worship taste pretty fantastic!
What a crazy cool way to worship your creator right?! We were created with certain talents and all God asks for is that we use them to give back. Worship is simply paying homage to God. We can do this by giving him our best efforts with the talents he has given us and laying those at his feet. What a beautiful way to worship.
I think that I have been guilty in the past of thinking of worship as the song service on Sunday morning. That was wrong. This way of thinking is flawed because true worship is to pay homage (Homage: something done or given in acknowledgment or consideration of the worth of another. In this case it is given to our God.) to our creator.
I have come to realize that the truest forms of worship may not even be experience in a Sunday Worship Experience. Think about this, when a band prepares for the Worship service, they are giving God not just their talent, but also their time, their energy and their passion. This means that they have been worshiping while preparing to lead worship! The guy that sets up the sound and mixes it? He was worshiping before the service by giving his knowledge and best efforts to the sound setup. The same can be said for the Pastor preparing for the service, the door greeter that wears his best smile, the guy that cleans the building, the set up crew worships with their ability to move large objects quickly. I can go on and on, but the basic point is this. Worship has nothing to do with music. It has everything to do with taking your talents and abilities that God has given you or given you a passion for and giving those back to God. That is worship.
I have heard much cacophony (loud useless noise) about the distinction between worship leaders that give every ounce of talent they have to the worship experience, and those that put on a show. It seems to me that if we are worshiping correctly by giving every bit of talent we have back to God and we all pour it out simultaneously on a given stage on a particular Sunday morning, it had better look like a show! How can we give a half-hearted recreation of another mans work and look up at God and act like he should be happy with that!? If we give everything we have back, I assure you, God has given us enough collective talent to put on a pretty awesome show.
So, the lady that bakes the cake? She makes worship taste pretty fantastic!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tj Houshmandzadeh Just Lost the Game. Sad.
Hello my awesome blogging buddies. As I sit here and watch the Baltimore Ravens in a dead sprint with the Steelers, I realized a few things. One, Hines Ward has a lot of fun playing football. Two, The Ravens defense is scary good. Third, this month has been ridiculous (on a side note, the next time you think about getting married and having a wedding, don't. Elope. You will love yourself for it.) Fourth, I have not blogged for a very long time and it makes me sad. I have at least 17 things I need to tell you and I just have been very slow at getting my AWESOME thoughts out there.
Given the fact that my wedding is next week and my Honeymoon is the week after that. My guess is that it will be about 2 solid weeks before I really put much substance out there for you to devour in a feast of intellectual gluttony (Oddly, this is the only type of gluttony that the Bible really endorses. True Story).
A few of the post you can prepare to consume include topics such as: Worship, Church, Relationships, The Superbowl, Car Buying, I Hate Cats, Why Did I Just Do That, Troy Palamolo's Hair, and the 2 Laws of Classic Remakes.
If you have topics you would like me to consider for future blog posts, please feel free to comment and let me know what you want to hear about. I won't use your suggestions, but I want you to feel free to make them. Because I care about your feelings.
Given the fact that my wedding is next week and my Honeymoon is the week after that. My guess is that it will be about 2 solid weeks before I really put much substance out there for you to devour in a feast of intellectual gluttony (Oddly, this is the only type of gluttony that the Bible really endorses. True Story).
A few of the post you can prepare to consume include topics such as: Worship, Church, Relationships, The Superbowl, Car Buying, I Hate Cats, Why Did I Just Do That, Troy Palamolo's Hair, and the 2 Laws of Classic Remakes.
If you have topics you would like me to consider for future blog posts, please feel free to comment and let me know what you want to hear about. I won't use your suggestions, but I want you to feel free to make them. Because I care about your feelings.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood (OLGS)
During my world travels, it has come to my attention, that our world, does not have a good workable set of guidelines that determine what is a sport and what is not. It is my hope that each of you will be able to better understand the sports world in a more rich and easily graspable way after having read this. These rules are a result of extensive deliberation and collaboration with Douglas Rueff (Parkville, MO), Donald Douds (Beaver, PA), and Matthew C. Binko (Miami, FL). It is important to note that the bulk of the math and flow charting was done by Doug Rueff. He broke this thing down Barney style. Mad props to him.
There are 4 determining factors for determining weather or not a given activity can be considered a sport. They are exact. They are final. They are known as "The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood" or "The OLGS" (Pronounced OLGS).
To be a sport, an activity must:
1: Have an objective standard to determine the outcome - EG: A basketball must go through a hoop to get points. In an activity such as Gymnastics, contestants are scored on style and performance. Since the scoring is subjected to the judges opinion, it is ruled, NOT a sport. (Cheer leading, Ice Dancing, and Marching Bands all fall into this demographic)
2: Prove athletic prowess over another human being - EG: Your athletic skill must be greater than that off your opponent to win. We determine whether or not this is happening by this criteria - If an increase in physical fitness most always results in an increase in your ability to win the event. So, if Joe Loses 30 pounds, will he have a greater capacity to be good at the event? This law rules out events like Darts, Bowling, Bass fishing, Hunting, Curling, and Horseshoes. These events all take skill, but one could increase physical fitness without experiencing an increase in their ability to be good at these events. Therefore, they are NOT sports. (Golf may fit in this category, but it is a pretty close call.)
3: Have a widely accepted set of rules - EG: These rules must be adhered to to determine sport hood. Now, this law does not imply that the laws must be followed to the letter, but rather the spirit of the law must be followed. For example, the basic rule of Soccer is that the ball must go across the line and into the goal. to score a point. The size of the field, offsides, and proper throw-ins are important, but not at the heart of the sport. Therefore, playing HORSE with a basketball and hoop can not be a sport since it doesn't follow the spirit of the game. The spirit being, ball through the hoop means points. It changes the para-dime and is no longer a sport. This rule destroys Paintball and other ad hoc events. These are NOT sports.
4: Not require the use of electricity - EG: Any event that requires the use of electricity to perform the event, is not a sport. Now, a sport may USE electricity, but must not require it. For example, Fencing is aided by the use of electronic sensors and basketball often uses light up score boards, but each of these are able to function without them. NASCAR requires the use of electricity to start the cars and is therefore NOT a sport. This law also rules out competitive DDR and Guitar Hero (As do several other rules).
I will now provide a list of Sports and NON sports. This list is in NO WAY all conclusive. You must apply the OLGS to determine Sport-hood.
Sports:
Basketball
Baseball
Football
Soccer
Hockey
Water Polo
The 100 Meter Dash
Capture the Flag (Shocking but true)
NOT Sports:
Cheer Leading
Ice Dancing
Bowling
NASCAR
Darts
Curling (Although it is AWESOME!)
Competitive DDR
Marching Bands
Bass Fishing
Hunting
There are 4 determining factors for determining weather or not a given activity can be considered a sport. They are exact. They are final. They are known as "The Official Laws that Govern Sport-hood" or "The OLGS" (Pronounced OLGS).
To be a sport, an activity must:
1: Have an objective standard to determine the outcome - EG: A basketball must go through a hoop to get points. In an activity such as Gymnastics, contestants are scored on style and performance. Since the scoring is subjected to the judges opinion, it is ruled, NOT a sport. (Cheer leading, Ice Dancing, and Marching Bands all fall into this demographic)
2: Prove athletic prowess over another human being - EG: Your athletic skill must be greater than that off your opponent to win. We determine whether or not this is happening by this criteria - If an increase in physical fitness most always results in an increase in your ability to win the event. So, if Joe Loses 30 pounds, will he have a greater capacity to be good at the event? This law rules out events like Darts, Bowling, Bass fishing, Hunting, Curling, and Horseshoes. These events all take skill, but one could increase physical fitness without experiencing an increase in their ability to be good at these events. Therefore, they are NOT sports. (Golf may fit in this category, but it is a pretty close call.)
3: Have a widely accepted set of rules - EG: These rules must be adhered to to determine sport hood. Now, this law does not imply that the laws must be followed to the letter, but rather the spirit of the law must be followed. For example, the basic rule of Soccer is that the ball must go across the line and into the goal. to score a point. The size of the field, offsides, and proper throw-ins are important, but not at the heart of the sport. Therefore, playing HORSE with a basketball and hoop can not be a sport since it doesn't follow the spirit of the game. The spirit being, ball through the hoop means points. It changes the para-dime and is no longer a sport. This rule destroys Paintball and other ad hoc events. These are NOT sports.
4: Not require the use of electricity - EG: Any event that requires the use of electricity to perform the event, is not a sport. Now, a sport may USE electricity, but must not require it. For example, Fencing is aided by the use of electronic sensors and basketball often uses light up score boards, but each of these are able to function without them. NASCAR requires the use of electricity to start the cars and is therefore NOT a sport. This law also rules out competitive DDR and Guitar Hero (As do several other rules).
I will now provide a list of Sports and NON sports. This list is in NO WAY all conclusive. You must apply the OLGS to determine Sport-hood.
Sports:
Basketball
Baseball
Football
Soccer
Hockey
Water Polo
The 100 Meter Dash
Capture the Flag (Shocking but true)
NOT Sports:
Cheer Leading
Ice Dancing
Bowling
NASCAR
Darts
Curling (Although it is AWESOME!)
Competitive DDR
Marching Bands
Bass Fishing
Hunting
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
5 Laws of Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness
It has come to my attention that there are people wandering around out there that are unable to cope with a lack of sleep. For those insomniacs and narcoleps out there, these Laws do not apply to you. You have your own set of rules.
5 Laws of Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness
1: Law of Compact Awesomeness - Less is more in this Law. Those of us that are of a compact stature (EG: Short and stocky) are able to compress more awesome into a smaller frame. If you are tall, lanky, thin, or huge, you may be out of luck. You must be able to compress a lot of awesomeness into a small space to achieve maximum Sleep Deprivation (Also known as "Epic Night Syndrome)
2: Prioritization Law of 1986 - This Law states simply, "Your love of Awesomeness must be greater than your love for unconsciousness." By adhering to this law, you will place events of the epic nature higher than sleep on your list of what is important to you.
3: The Coffee Non marginalization Standard - If you do not love coffee, you are, by default, not awesome. Coffee is Ethiopia's gift to the world. Coffee is how we know God loves us. Coffee can cure cancer (I'm not 100% on this last one.) You must be awesome to live a sleep deprived life and Coffee is therefore a must. Oh, and medically speaking, it has a crap ton of Caffeine and that seems to help as well.
4: The 12AM Paradox - My mother once told me that nothing good happens after 12am. But to be fair, of all the funnest things I do, very few of them could be catorgorized as "Good Ideas". Ergo, since staying up late yields a more positive environment for fun ideas, the margin for awesomeness goes up drastically. Since most of the world works during the day, we must also be up before 12am. Therefore, leaving little time for sleep.
5: The Erickson Effect -This law states that people related to, friends with, fans of, or members of the Erickson Family have a 97% success rate when trying to achieve maximum Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness. Now, this Law does not exclude people outside this group, but it does lend creedance to the fact that your chances for success skyrocket if you are a member of the "People related to, Friends with, fans of, or members of the Erickson Family" group.
5 Laws of Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness
1: Law of Compact Awesomeness - Less is more in this Law. Those of us that are of a compact stature (EG: Short and stocky) are able to compress more awesome into a smaller frame. If you are tall, lanky, thin, or huge, you may be out of luck. You must be able to compress a lot of awesomeness into a small space to achieve maximum Sleep Deprivation (Also known as "Epic Night Syndrome)
2: Prioritization Law of 1986 - This Law states simply, "Your love of Awesomeness must be greater than your love for unconsciousness." By adhering to this law, you will place events of the epic nature higher than sleep on your list of what is important to you.
3: The Coffee Non marginalization Standard - If you do not love coffee, you are, by default, not awesome. Coffee is Ethiopia's gift to the world. Coffee is how we know God loves us. Coffee can cure cancer (I'm not 100% on this last one.) You must be awesome to live a sleep deprived life and Coffee is therefore a must. Oh, and medically speaking, it has a crap ton of Caffeine and that seems to help as well.
4: The 12AM Paradox - My mother once told me that nothing good happens after 12am. But to be fair, of all the funnest things I do, very few of them could be catorgorized as "Good Ideas". Ergo, since staying up late yields a more positive environment for fun ideas, the margin for awesomeness goes up drastically. Since most of the world works during the day, we must also be up before 12am. Therefore, leaving little time for sleep.
5: The Erickson Effect -This law states that people related to, friends with, fans of, or members of the Erickson Family have a 97% success rate when trying to achieve maximum Sleep Deprivation and Awesomeness. Now, this Law does not exclude people outside this group, but it does lend creedance to the fact that your chances for success skyrocket if you are a member of the "People related to, Friends with, fans of, or members of the Erickson Family" group.
11 Observations, Tidbits, and Truisms About Life
I finally made it back to Djibouti. Yes. I live in Djibouti, ha ha (Stated drolly and sarcastically). When I arrived once more, I suddenly realized a very poignant truth. Djibouti is hot. The end.
Ok, for realz, I have had several things happen in the last month that are worth pointing out. Mostly observations on life, but a few tidbits, and one Truism.
1: Raw meat, no matter how culturally founded, is still horrible.
2: 350LB Pigs, do not like being cooked for dinner.
3: (Observation) Reese's is the greatest brand of candy in the world. They make nothing that is not good.
4: (Truism) Coffee is delicious.
5: If you play soccer for 2 hours on a very solid surface, your feet have the consistency of ground up beef.
6: Feet that have the consistency of ground beef are painful.
7: (Observation) Being away from the woman you love for a year is not fun.
8: This table is making the creation of this list much easier by providing me a stable platform.
9: After listening to African/Arabic music for the last year, I can honestly tell you, the best music in the world is created in the USA.
10: ?
11: Making $ is easy. Press shift+4
I have lots more to say, but I'll wait till I publish another list.
I told the following people that I was "Totally putting that in my blog!"
MSG Steven Jackson - Enjoys photographing people jumping through fire.
SGT Julie Vosilus - Can Dance with Ethiopian woman without even knowing the moves.
COL Nameunknown Hayes - Gave me the 5 rules of an Effective Deployment
SPC David Lane - I can't really publish his misdeeds at this time.
Mr. Gregory "Danger" Gorham - Still believes that it is ok to be a Cubs fan. Sad.
Ok, for realz, I have had several things happen in the last month that are worth pointing out. Mostly observations on life, but a few tidbits, and one Truism.
1: Raw meat, no matter how culturally founded, is still horrible.
2: 350LB Pigs, do not like being cooked for dinner.
3: (Observation) Reese's is the greatest brand of candy in the world. They make nothing that is not good.
4: (Truism) Coffee is delicious.
5: If you play soccer for 2 hours on a very solid surface, your feet have the consistency of ground up beef.
6: Feet that have the consistency of ground beef are painful.
7: (Observation) Being away from the woman you love for a year is not fun.
8: This table is making the creation of this list much easier by providing me a stable platform.
9: After listening to African/Arabic music for the last year, I can honestly tell you, the best music in the world is created in the USA.
10: ?
11: Making $ is easy. Press shift+4
I have lots more to say, but I'll wait till I publish another list.
I told the following people that I was "Totally putting that in my blog!"
MSG Steven Jackson - Enjoys photographing people jumping through fire.
SGT Julie Vosilus - Can Dance with Ethiopian woman without even knowing the moves.
COL Nameunknown Hayes - Gave me the 5 rules of an Effective Deployment
SPC David Lane - I can't really publish his misdeeds at this time.
Mr. Gregory "Danger" Gorham - Still believes that it is ok to be a Cubs fan. Sad.
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